Oh the smell

Three toddlers in diapers, two of them are teething. One of those two is being introduced to new foods.

There is shit everywhere!

I have probably wiped more poopy butts in the last four days than I have wiped my own in my entire life. It's like an assembly line of wieners and poop.

Tomorrow they will either have a potty duct taped to their asses, or wearing grocery bags like pants...





Just kidding

Hooooollly Shit... Where have I been?

Well, I am back by popular demand!!!

Over TWO YEARS later...

Yeah that's my bad, I guess life just really got a hold of me.

I may be a little rusty, so I will just give a re-cap of what has happened since then.

As many of you know we were stuck in the god forsaken state of Idaho.

 

 

That pretty much sums up our time being held captive by the wonderful judicial system. Never again will I move back to that black hole shit hole of a state.

 

In April 2012 things started to change. Paxon, Guss, and myself were given the go ahead(OK more so just Paxon) to move to Washington State. 9 months and THIRTY THOUSAND DOLLARS later. Holy shit, the most expensive move of my life. But totally worth it for our happiness.

 

 

On May 7th 2012, Paxon celebrated his first birthday. Surrounded by his family

 

 

So let me tell you...

A walking one year old is completely different from an immobile baby.

COMPLETELY.

This kid was into everything. He was constantly falling and getting hurt, I started to think I should get him a helmet.

 

Then came the talking. And oooohhh boy is that fun.

 

Anyhoo.

 

Throughout the last year we have had our ups and downs. We had a blast getting to spend time with my best friend, Travis, who I have known now for 13 years. And am so glad he is around to keep me sane when I need it. That shithead really has helped me through a bunch.

 

We went to our first(and second) Mariner's games, and now we are absolutely hooked. And cannot wait for the Mother's Day Game this year.

 

We had so much fun through the year spending time with family, which we really had been lacking on due to living in the shithole(see above)

 

Paxon and his bestie, Hagen, were Garth and Wayne for Halloween. And their costumes were so funny you may piss yourself laughing.

 

That's right, we are those mothers that do shit like this to our children. But as you can see, it was totally worth it.

 

We met so many new people throughout the year and made such good friends. Big shout out the the May Moms for being great drinking/party animals :) See below post about how awesome a group of strangers can be. Especially if you move close enough to some of those crazy bitches :)

 

In November I was invited to a "parents weekend" with my two besties. Scared?? So was I at first.

We had a blast, and it was so good to be able to spend time with them without our kids. Don't get me wrong, I love all of those poopheads, but sometimes a break to get your head on straight is definitely needed.

My birthday came. And went. My now ex(wow is that a story for anyone interested) took me to Downtown Seattle and we had a really good time. It was nice to actually celebrate for a chance.

Christmas came, and Paxon of course was showered with gifts. We had a bigger family at that point(We were living with my boyfriend at that point, so Paxon got to celebrate three Christmas'. Four if you count the one at his dads, but I have no idea what the hell happened there)





Yes, that's a bitchin turtleneck for those who were curious.

 

 

Paxon started doing overnight visits with  his dad, which was tough at first, but really the best thing for him.

 

 We got to go to Texas to see my grandpa in January, which in turn means Paxon got to meet his great grandpa. It was an awesome trip, and I got to see one of my old friends Katie C, who I hadn't seen in almost 6 years.

 

 And then Nick came in February. Holy fuck balls how great it felt to see him. It was awesome to have him, my brother, and I all reunited. It brought back so many memories, and really made me miss the good ole days. It also made me realize how much we have all grown up. Hes got kids, I've got a kid. We are fucking adults now. When the hell did that happen????

 



 

And then March came.

 

Oooohhh March 2013. How you changed things :)

 

March brought wonderful things into my life. March brought my best friend back. That asshole decided a few years ago to move to a different state, much farther away from me. And well I couldn't leave the black hole vortex shit hole.

Some things really never change. And if it wasn't for her than I wouldn't have gotten through the month of April.

Katie moved the beginning of March. I drove the 2+ hours to her house two weeks in a row, and then she came up to me. There was a few more trips added in there, and Paxon and I even went and stayed for 5 days in the second week of April.

This is where BOTH of my best friends have helped keep me sane.

Without getting into complete details and compromising anything I will try and give the most info I can.

One night in April, some shit went down. And honestly, no matter how you look at it, I am very lucky to be alive(big shout out to the homie that called the police, then sat with me and held my hand for as long as I needed). She listened to me try and scream my story to her through tears and complete heartbreak. She was on top of everything when I was in the emergency room the next morning, while packing our entire life up and moving within a matter of hours, and while I was back in the emergency room the same evening. (its amazing what can knock a kidney stone loose)

If you, or anybody you know, is a victim of domestic violence please SPEAK UP!!! Nothing will ever change or stop if the silence is not broken. It is NEVER OK for anyone to put hands on you. (There will be another post later about the real honest affects of domestic violence. I suggest bringing tissues)

 

 

Continuing on about how awesome my besties are. They let me come AGAIN(which was just DAYS after I had left after staying 5 days) and let us stay 4 more. It was normal. We needed normal. We needed to try and forget about what had happened. But every head turn, swallow, and look in the mirror was a big reminder.

 

 

Days after we get home, I am rushed to the ER. AGAIN. The day before I was in extreme pain and my Dr refused to give me another CT scan because of how much radiation I was exposed to in the last months. Three of which were the week before after the assault. Turns out the kidney stone had grown in size, and was over 1cm in diameter. Which means it was bigger than a cheerio. And it was blocking my urethra. You can only imagine that pain. It was worse than labor and a csection recovery. I was given CT #7, and then immediately transferred via ambulance to another hospital.

 

Let me just say this. Thank god for morphine pumps. I would have probably ripped my own face off with the amount of pain I was in. The next day I had surgery to place a stent in my kidney and to blast my stone. The second I was out of recovery I was walking around and ready to go home. Ready to see my boy. I missed him so much.

 

So what do I do after I get out of the hospital? Detail my car. Big mistake lol. I dropped Paxon off at his dads later that night and hauled ass to Oregon to spend a few more days with my bestie. Priorities right?

 

So now it is officially two weeks since my surgery. And tomorrow I get my stent removed. The nurse said it is a "simple procedure" SIMPLE FOR WHO??? YOU??? Because to me the definition of simple isn't having a scope and a pair of tongs shoved up my urethra(those crazy bastards told me to come un medicated.. Helllo.. Are you high on cat shit?) and then having a third item pulled out. Holy.Fuck. My urethra is in a complete pucker just thinking about it.

 

 

So there. That's the recap as to what has happened. Now I get to think of fun posts, because I am no longer in a custody battle, so I don't have to worry about sounding like the person I'm not. So be prepared for a lot of swearing and you may want to put on some depends, because shit is about to get real.

 

 



 





You know you are a breastfeeding mom when...

So I know that it has been a while since I've posted anything, but at this time in my life it is very difficult for me to find the humor in a lot of things. I realized though that finding things to post that are infact funny, really helps to keep my spirits up. It is getting really hard now to not want a cigarette. I quit after 6 years in January, and have had maybe the equivilent of one whole cigarette since then. So I am going to channel my cigarette cravings into blogs. So for a while there might be quite a few more.

For now lets see what I can come up with for a list of "You know you are a breastfeeding mom when"


1) You have told multiple strangers to kiss your ass when you get a dirty look

2) You have offered to show your entire boob to an older gentleman because you didn't want him to break his neck while walking away

3) If you are in the general area of a Fred Meyer and your baby is hungry you make a detour because your child needs to eat and they have couches in their furniture department! (Everytime I go to Boise I do this, that is why people see me there all the time haha! Hey its way more comfy then squeezing in the front seat of the car)

4) You sleep with your boobs flopped out of your shirt. Meaning you can wake up rolled on top of one, or pinching one in your armpit area.

5) You pick out your shirt for the day, not only because of how it looks, but how easy it will be to whip the girls out

6) Your bras have quick release latches

7) You have hosed down a part of your childs(or your friends child) body to help with a rash or pinkeye

8) Almost every member of your family has seen your boobs

9) You have to hold your boobs in the store because somebody else has a crying baby

10) You have had a complete stranger point out to you that your boobs are leaking right through your shirt

11) You can feed a baby, answer the phone, and cook dinner all at the same time

12) You get to look down at your baby eating, and feel the best bond ever

Is this day really happening?

Today has just been a day from hell for me. Well the last three months have been a whirlwind, but it seems as though lately they are getting more difficult and emotional. Apparently that is what almost complete isolation does to a person.

Anyways, I loved the fact that Paxon let me sleep in until 10. And the first hour of my day was actually great. I had to call the vet because Guss(the dog) has been itching really bad lately, and he has allergies so I needed to know what I could do for him to make him more comfortable. So I pick up antibiotics for him that cost me $48!!! I give them to him, and then ten minutes later he vomits in my living room. But it is not only on the carpet, its on a onesie of Paxon's that was next to him, and on my notebook. Now the shirt and the carpet I am fine with. But this notebook is my life right now. It is hundreds of handwritten pages about EVERYTHING in my court case. It contains all of my notes and important information. Luckily the puke was only on the bottom and sides of the pages, so it wasn't completely ruined. But I wasn't about to keep using it.

I had to drive all the way into town through an almost white out snow storm, because I knew the roads were just going to get worse the next few days, and I have to get everything transferred to a new notebook before Monday.

It is interesting to me how just a few little mishaps can turn into a mild emotional breakdown. If it wasn't for Paxon, my mom, and my bestie Katie, I don't know how I would pull out of some of these.

On another note my child has been sleeping for an hour and a half, which he has not done in quite some time. I always miss him when he takes long naps. Its almost like I dont know what to do with myself.

Maybe I should get off of this thing and switch my laundry over. I know this was a boring post today, but I am really not myself. Tomorrow will bring more humor!! And my child is now awake thanks to the guy outside on his quad.

You have how many children?!

Now I know this is a topic that everyone has different views and opinions on, so feel free to leave comments!!!

If you haven't guessed this already, I am talking about the Duggar family. Now before I go any further I feel that is necessary to say "to each their own" but COME ON PEOPLE!

These people just announced that they are going to have their 20^thchild!!! One of the main reasons I am so appalled is because of the health risks that this lady is putting on herself and her unborn child! Her last baby(number 19) was born at 25 weeks. Most hospitals wont attempt to save the life of a baby born before 25 weeks, that is how premature and early this baby was. It is just soooo dangerous. How are doctors even accepting here as a patient? If god-forbid something happened to this woman during childbirth, how do the doctors know they wont be sued?

Now I can look at my body after one baby, a c-section, and see definate changes. My boobs are bigger(and a little bit lower... YIKES) my hips are wider, I've got some stretch marks(I was lucky to have them fade very quickly), and my feet have gotten a little bigger. Could you imagine how this lady looks after 19, about to be 20??? I wouldn't be surprised if this lady could tuck her boobs into her socks. And she has had I two sets of twins, and MULTIPLE c-sections. Think of the vaginal births. She has had so many how does her uterus and vagina handle all of that stress? How does her body continue to hold these babies in?

My theory is this: If you want to have a large family, and you can afford it, by all means do it! But when it comes to risking the life of the mother and the child, is it really worth it to keep going after a certain point? If you really want to have more children, adopt one, save a life instead of risking two.

I think these people do instill good morals and values into their children, and thank god some people still do this, because I feel that it is always lost in translation. But if you have so many children, that your older ones have to raise the younger ones, how is that fair to the older ones? Yes, it teaches responsibility, but so does taking care of yourself. I mean I am looking on their website, and one of these kids has the chore of cleaning all NINE bathrooms weekly. That is a lot of other peoples pee and other messes to clean up. I cleaned one bathroom once a week growing up, and I can guarentee I have the same sense of responsibility that these people do.

Their website says that they had a miscarriage after their first child, which really is sad. They blamed it on the birth control pill, and since then have forgone all contraceptives. Uhm, have these people not heard about condoms? They are hormone free and I bet Trojan would even sponser these people. What about surgical procedures? Those are almost full proof, then they can continue to have all of the unprotected sex they want!

After doing the math, this lady has been pregnant around 13.5 full years of her life. She is only 45 years old, and has been pregnant around 162 months, give or take of course for length of pregnancy. That makes my uterus hurt. She has a baby almost ever year and a half, which is just ungodly. How does insurance even continue to pay for this?

Like I said before, it is to each their own, but when is it too much?

The top 15

As I was driving to Boise and home yesterday, I thought it would be great to come up with 15 different names for the wonder that is breastmilk... So hold on tight here we go!

1. Breastmilk (its an obvious one, but hey that's what people call it!! Where is the fun?)

2. Tata Sauce (my fave, and also what we call it in my house)

3. Hot Toddy (another version of the tata sauce)

4. Tot Sauce(again shortened version of the tata sauce)

5. Boob Juice

6. Boobie Juice

7. Boob Beer (it's always on tap!)

8. Knocker Nectar ( I came up with this one the other night, and I almost peed my pants because I found it wonderful)

9. LaBamba Lager (thanks mom)

10. Mama's Milk

11. Titty Juice

12. The Milk Bar

13. Jug Juice

14. Hooter Hooch

15. Titty Tea


If you have any others please leave comments below!!!

Oh the conversations we have

Sorry about no post yesterday, my mom is in town so we are having much needed family time.

Anyhoo.

I have a friend named Katie, who is really the best friend a gal could have...



We met December 27thish, 2008 and had been inseparable until I moved to Idaho in March of 2009. Now we are still in different states, have the cutest little boys(her son was born in January), and don't let any distance come between us. We talk on the phone every day, usually multiple times a day.

When we first met our conversations were about the most random things. Our work, the upcoming weekend, and just about anything else you could think of. And if you know Katie and I, you can only imagine the things we talk about... And if you've heard it before, I apologize ;)

Fast forward to now, November 2011. Our conversations are about our boys, poop, pee, vomit, wieners, balls, fat rolls, baby farts, burps, and of course tons of other random topics.

Before I became a mom, I had normal(well as normal as I can get) conversations with people. I usually never talked about poop with people, and now it seems the topic of a lot of the conversations I am involved in.  Just about any body fluid was never spoken about, unless it was about somebody "breaking the seal."

It amazes me how much people change when they have children. I love it! I will admit before I got pregnant I couldn't figure out why a lot of people drop off the radar when they become parents, but now I totally understand. It isn't always the people that are having the children that causes the sudden drop, it is the friends of these people! Before I was pregnant I had TONS of friends, and now my friend count is sadly dwindled down to what it was when I first moved to Boise and only knew a few people. And it is all because I have a child now, and cannot go out and get wasted every weekend. Really people is your life worth losing really good friends over a beer or a bar filled with half naked tramps? If that is the way you live your life, oh boy are you going to be disappointed later.

If these people took the time to put their drink down, and interact with their friends with children, they will realize that we are the same person we were before. Yes we are different in some ways, but our personalities don't change. We are still us, just in different form.

**********************************************************************

On another topic, tomorrow I have to go to the interim custody/visitation hearing, and I am so nervous about it. I hate the fact that Paxon and my safety and schedule is determined by somebody else, who has no idea who my son is, and what his individual needs are. I hate the fact that it is up to a stranger to decide if I have to drive my son on an extremely dangerous road, through awful road conditions that are sometimes fatal.

This whole situation has my stomach in knots, and makes me sick. I know what all of this drama and stress does to my son, and I want to be able to provide the best for him. Which sadly, I feel like through this entire situation, that I am the only one who feels that way. To other people they think this is some game. When it is the farthest thing from that. It is no game, this is a child's life and well being. He is not an animal that has no idea what is going on, and feels no repercussions from being tossed around back and forth. He is a child, a human being, he knows exactly what is going on, and his body language and attitude will prove that.

Paxon and I will need your thoughts and prayers with us for the drive into and home from Boise tomorrow, and while we are in court. I am in for the long haul for one of the hardest fights of my life, the fight for my child. And at 10:30 tomorrow morning, I will be doing everything in my power to show these people, that I will do anything and everything to keep my son safe, secure, and happy.

*************************************************************************

Tomorrow there will be no post due to the fact we will be busy all day. Tuesday I will post about the events of the hearing.