Heather's guide to cows, bats, and other unwanted creatures

First off let me start with this, I don’t do nature. It’s not my thing. I don’t care for it. I’m just not that girl.

Now let me say this, I am living in a very nature filled area. The town I am in has 138 people on a good day. There is trees and mountains all around me. What comes with trees and nature? BUGS AND ANIMALS. Oh it makes me shudder just thinking about it. I think I may have just felt my leg hairs grow.

There is also quite a few farms in this area. Usually I am fine with farms. Until Farmer Joe decides to open up the gate and let the cows roam around the neighborhood. KEEP BESSIE IN HER CORRAL! I am absolutely terrified of cows. Why do they think the best time to let them out is when it is dark outside?

                     I guess there are scarier things to find outside of your bedroom window at night...

The only reason I know it was cows is because I didn’t have to pull the weed whacker out for a few months, and cow patties aren’t meant to be scooped up with a shovel. Oh my god it’s going to make me sick.

Those scary monstrosities were outside of my bedroom window when I was asleep. What do I picture though? A big freaking cow staring at me sleep through my blinds, that’s probably why I woke up.

I don’t even eat cows, and that is the biggest revenge I could have!

My solution to this problem is:

Wait it out and don’t make eye contact! Tis the season for the big cattle trucks to take them on a nice ride

Now again back to that bat. 

I have no idea if that flying rodent is still coming in the house, I am too afraid to go upstairs and check. In my situation there really is no way to get rid of that winged spawn of Satan. I could try and set some kind of trap, but then what would I do with the bat once I caught it? I sure wouldn’t get close to it. So I am going to go along with the “if it doesn’t bother me, I’m not going to bother it” way of living, and just ignore the issue until it becomes a problem. We don’t go upstairs anyways!

Yo, the name is Batty, the logic is erratic, potato in a jacket, toys in the attic, I rock and I ramble, my brain is scrambled, rap like an animal but I'm a mammal

I am so glad the snow has hit the ground and it is colder outside, because that means the Idaho fly season is gone! If any of you have been to or lived in Idaho, you know what I am talking about. You can have the most beautiful clean house out there, and still have it infested with flies. Those little suckers are everywhere, and just pop out of the least expected spots. My windowsills were live little fly cemeteries. You would think the bat would eat the flies.

OH and the bees, thank god those are gone too. I don't know how many times I have been walking around barefoot and almost stepped on one... Oh boy would I have been mad. See "Girls aren't supposed to kill bugs... Boys are"

You know, this really sounds like I am living in some dumpy house, but I swear, it's really nice! Let me straighten things out here really quick. Flies are EVERYWHERE in Idaho, bats are just weird bendy flexible creatures that can apparently squeeze through ridiculous sized spaces, and apparently bees do the same.

Another downside to living in the country is the wild game. Those things scare the crap out of me. They pop out of nowhere when you are driving, and stare at you from a distance when you come outside. Now I'm not a hunter, I don't eat any wild animal, I like mine pumped full of hormones and mass produced, but I love this time of year because it is hunting season. Which means there is less obstacles on the road for me.

One of these days I know that I will have to suck it up and start enjoying nature, because Paxon will not be one of those children inside all day playing video games or watching TV. He's a boy, hes going to want to go camping, fishing, and play in the mud. So I guess when that time comes I will pull up my big girl panties, and embrace my inner child!


Of course always in moderation :)